ADHD Focus? Really?

Shutting Down and Clearing Out

So there are a bunch of meds to support the ADHD brain. So many people I have been in contact with who have had an adult diagnosis have found that meds have helped to transform their mind and have really helped them to cope with or manage their lives.

Before my diagnosis during lockdown, I gave up drinking completely. And that's when I became really aware of the anxiety. I hadn't really been conscious of it before. On my journey to diagnosis and I guess having the mental space with the whole world essentially shutting down that gave me a lot of mental headspace. There was nowhere to physically go to distract. Like many others with that focus on our home, I began clearing out physically and mentally.

I love art, clothes and beautiful things and had way too much of everything. I like to have a lot of visual stimulation while working on a task I'm committed to seeing through. I am quite a task-orientated and the lists thing kind of works for me, but they're short and get re-done a lot – like on a wipe board in the kitchen or just a single page in my corporate work notebook. I can't get on with the myriad of electronic ways of managing work.

The Need to Focus On One Thing?

The business coach whose program I signed up for advised that I really just focus on one thing and then build from there. In the mentor program I am part of I watch pretty much everyone in there running two to three businesses successfully. A friend and former colleague with his wife both working full time with two kids started running a franchise which is growing. He shared with me that during the training for that franchise, the same thing was conveyed, focus on a specific area. He said it sounded like it made sense but the lived experience of running it was not quite that.

I remember probably about 15 years ago I began to see articles about the myth of multitasking and that being ineffective in terms of productivity. I came across the Pomodoro time management technique – nice idea except when you're in hyper focus mode and then it's just annoying.

Finding a Groove – Cluster and Micro-tasks

With the change in pace of life during lockdown I found that I was grouping tasks together – cluster tasks – and each task had a bunch of steps – micro-tasks. That has kind of developed and is working well for me. In terms of lists, nice idea until I turn the page in the notebook and it's gone – I have a couple of big fridge wipe boards. One for the longer term things like activities we're doing throughout the year (holidays and kid camps) and stuff that needs to get done for the home (de-fungus garden, take stuff to skip/charity shop, fix broken toilet seat – and various important bits of paperwork). Then in terms of actually doing other daily/weekly house things I do it in small steps and just come back to it and do a little bit each time. For example, if there is stuff by the sink and a full dishwasher of clean stuff that needs to be emptied and I can't really be bothered. I may just empty the clean cutlery as I'm passing by and just do a little bit at a time. Often because I have not decided to do the whole task but as I've taken one step and then the other I get momentum and speed up and through and ta-da it's all done and clear. That said I am super aware that I am time-blind and date blind whereas my kid and husband are super punctual and time aware. So the element of discipline is that I have a clock in every room set between 5-10 minutes ahead of the actual time, to trick me. So I know that even though I am mid-task but I have to be out of the door I will just leave it even mid-hyper-focus. That is the self-discipline bit.

Rhythm in the Corporate Job

Now in terms of corporate life, it has always been similar. In this space having project deadlines and working in teams is super helpful. The hybrid working that is now very commonplace post-lockdown is again is super helpful. I am very fortunate with my employer in that now I think all desks are standing desks. I have a routine and rhythm with Mondays and Fridays WFH. I have Fridays for calls with individuals and Mondays for focused writing and planning. I break my Tuesdays-Thursdays up with starting early online and then half the day (mid-morning to early afternoon) on-site and finishing the day WFH. That gives me the space for connections with colleagues and really fruitful "water cooler conversations" and face-to-face meetings and then space for focused work at the beginning and the end of the day. That is essentially the rhythm. And sometimes I WFH all week to get things done. Sometimes I go on-site for longer and more days. My line manager also has ADHD and gets the sudden flatlining when there is so much to process and decompress and has really empowered me to acknowledge and accept that. And the thing is the things still get done and on time to a good standard. When there is pressure to push through the flatlining that is when mistakes happen. In terms of meetings I only ever have 30-minute meetings, they are much more focused and productive. Where there is the potential for things to overrun I just cushion and leave gaps for those meetings. Then within my team we can have really productive two-hour working meetings.

Pace Yourself

I share all this to say as I really don't think there is one single way to operate and embrace the "all the things at the same time" outlook with a bit of tweaking with self-discipline to avoid things not finishing and lots of mental flatlining it is possible to be way more steady instead of extremes of up and down. Small incremental changes stick way better than extreme changes and your fantasy self is best put in a little box and away so your true self can thrive. You literally do not have to focus on one thing and try and fix your brain into a box that says you do. That hurts my brain the very thought of it. When you need to flatline mentally and be in a quiet space figure out a strategy for it – I know that those moments can come left field.

The Others in Our Lives

So if you are neurodivergent and used to wearing masks to fit in, I don't think you were meant to. You're also not obligated to do things a certain way except to be mindful of the people whose lives you impact, family, friends and colleagues not to mention the people you come into contact with like everyone from the doctor's receptionist to the person on chat function trying to help you resolve an issue. Being human and part of the human race!

It's Messy

We all know that nothing is really that straightforward and that we're messy, well everyone is messy. Having worked in one company which had a clear desk policy and a structured communications board with all sorts of metrics and meetings and we were empowered to sort problems out at our own level – that made the biggest mental headspace to be creative and think creatively in the workplace. And you know what, none of those systems was followed perfectly. My desk drawers were a literal dumping ground of mess. The other thing I have learned with making small steps is that the boredom still sets in or I want to give up on a thing. So I just change my approach. Like fitness – bored of gym classes and doing weights instead, bored of a big task – treat myself to the fun task first – yes reward myself first and then do the boring task. Then in terms of relationships if/when I mess up there I re-set and apologise quickly and fix whatever needs fixing in terms of emotional bridge fixing and resolve to do better next time, I do not wallow in the self-pity patch anymore that spirals into all sorts quickly.

Make the Plans

Yes, I suspect you have tonnes of plans and ideas. Go ahead and make that physical vision board and stick it up. Create those Pinterest boards. Then figure out the cluster and micro-tasks around them – I guess mind mapping perhaps. I just like pictures with a few bits of writing. I also do not have things time bound! SMART objectives – everyone I am around seems to love them – but with my time blindness I don't. I do not have expectations about time for my goals but I do know I am working towards them. I guess I am creative with my time. So an example would be I want to take our family to a series of places for family holidays. The kind of vague planning of which location for the groove and mood and age of our family is what guides that. Then the intensity picks up with booking and organising and then is forgotten about. Projects in the workplace are similar with annual objectives that are time bound annually but there are so many more complexities due to the nature of the projects and the variety of people I work with.

Be Kind

One of my sisters says to me regularly "be kind to yourself." It used to really irritate me because of all the things that I need to do at work, at home and at the time supporting elderly parent and caring for a small child as well as pets! As I have learned to pace myself I realise and have seen the benefits of pacing myself, and removing masks and telling myself consistently that it's OK just do it again and small habits have become important big changes over time. And you know what, I still have all the things to do, sadly no more parent to care for, a clearer home and more headspace and openness for things that I've always wanted to do but didn't make the time for. And none of it is just so, it's all a little bit messy.

What Will You Do Now?

Having read or skimmed the post what area would you like most to see change in. Not the one you think you should see change in but the one you really want change in? That thing is the thing that as you do small steps towards, the other less interesting stuff will change too, the should change stuff.