Ever sent a message, received a reply that felt slightly off, and suddenly found yourself convinced you had been rejected?
In this episode of Even The Dog Has ADHD I’m joined by researcher and coach Stella Bell to rethink rejection sensitivity and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, RSD, particularly in ADHD and neurodivergent lives.
Rather than treating an intense response to rejection as simply an overreaction, Stella explores what may actually be happening in the nervous system when rejection feels like a threat.
We look at where the term Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria came from, how it differs from the much longer history of research into rejection sensitivity, and why Stella prefers to understand rejection sensitivity as a threat response rather than a character flaw.
We also explore the different ways that response can show up, including fight, flight, freeze, fawn and the often overlooked flop response, where everything seems to drain out of you and functioning suddenly becomes much harder.
And perhaps most importantly, we talk about what happens before, during and after a rejection episode.
Why does logical thinking become harder when your nervous system believes you are under threat?
What makes you more vulnerable to being tipped into that state in the first place?
And what can you actually do when you realise it is happening?
Stella shares practical ways of supporting your nervous system, from sleep, regular food, movement and reducing constant digital input, to grounding, co-regulation and knowing when not to send the message, answer the email or make the decision.
Because sometimes the most useful question isn’t:
“Why am I reacting like this?”
It is:
“What does my nervous system think is happening right now?”
TIMESTAMPS
00:00 Welcome and introducing Stella Bell
01:46 What is rejection sensitivity, and where does “dysphoria” come from?
13:22 Fight, flight, freeze, fawn and flop
19:10 Why logical thinking becomes harder during a threat response
32:33 Your nervous-system baseline, sleep, food, movement and digital input
36:29 Co-regulation, safe people and creating a sense of safety
58:51 What to do when a rejection episode actually hits
01:01:05 Why you shouldn’t reply, react or make big decisions immediately
Explore more episodes and ways to work with me:
eventhedoghasadhd.com/podcast
Even The Dog Has ADHD, because apples don’t fall far from trees, and there’s never just one.
RESEARCH & RESOURCES MENTIONED
Geraldine Downey, Rejection Sensitivity Research
Geraldine Downey has researched rejection sensitivity and its relationship with expectations of rejection, relationships and attachment since the 1990s.
psychology.columbia.edu/content/geraldine-downey
Dr William W. Dodson, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)
Psychiatrist William Dodson popularised the term Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria in relation to ADHD.
actascientific.com/ASNE/ASNE-07-0762.php
Short article on LinkedIn about rejection sensitivity:
linkedin.com/pulse/from-gutpunch-growth-working-rejection-sensitivity-adhd-stella-bell-34o4e
Why Stella has stopped engaging with the news:
linkedin.com/pulse/how-rejection-sensitivity-changed-i-consume-news-stella-bell-bwbje
The Poem
The poem mentioned in this episode is by Tori Wagg. Here’s a link to Tori’s website for more about her poetry and how to buy her collections.
toriwagg.com
Show Host
Diana Hayes
eventhedoghasadhd.com
linkedin.com/in/dianavhayes
instagram.com/dianavhayes
Show Guest
Stella Bell
stellabellcoaching.co.uk/rejection-sensitivity-rsd
linkedin.com/in/stella-bell-7a59104
